1.
ОНО живет во мне своею жизнью.
Зверь дик, и все же в страсти он хорош.
Порой его желания капризны,
Порой занудствует до кончиков волос.
Я с ним беседую о жизни организма,
В котором здравствует моя душа.
ОНО не любит всяческие «измы»,
В них много перхоти от сухости чела.
Ах, вас волнует печень? Здесь все просто.
На грудь поменьше надо брать.
Ах, в сердце аритмия? Здесь торосы,
Пора, дружище, бляшки убирать
- Душа в смятенье, – говорю я робко, -
Как дальше жить, когда вокруг беда?
ОНО хохочет, и довольно громко:
- Ну, братец, тут «твоя взяла»!
Как дальше жить? Конечно же, исправно,
Хотя никто не знает правды бытия.
О смысле жизни размышлять парадно -
Философам лишь эта дурь дана.
У них все априори, все – «быть может»,
А у тебя смятенье души.
Так кто, скажи, тебе поможет?
Ты сам. К колодцу, братец, поспеши.
К колодцу, полному разумной влаги.
Омой лицо. Ведро слей на себя.
И ты почувствуешь прилив отваги.
Она в тебя до косточек вошла
Все дело в том, что твоя стойкость
Идет, увы, не от тебя.
Ты пишешь стих, и твоя бойкость
Достойна гения пера.
Не ты командуешь собою,
А я командую тобой.
Моя решительная воля
Бьет пред тобой своим челом.
Движенье – вот твое лекарство
От тяжких дум о бытие.
Оно унынью не подвластно.
Что там сегодня на дворе?
Ах, снег, ах, ветер, ах, мороз!
Февраль свой завершает бег.
А ты в диван, наверно, врос?
Ах, тяжкий человечий грех…
Такой вот монолог ОНО произнесло.
И вновь куда-тоглубь ушло.
Я встал с дивана. Принял душ.
И сам себе сказал: все чушь!
2.
У «нас» закончился запал.
Сегодня я ужасно вял,
Готов повеситься я уж.
ОНО мне говорит: примите душ,
Вода промоет вам мозги,
В которых очень много зги.
В душе сплошная мутотень,
Неужто жить вам так не лень?
Я говорю ему – пойми,
Запал исчез, как ни крути,
Горячий душ тут ни при чем,
А ты попробуй кирпичом -
По черепу, чтоб я очнулся
И наконец-таки проснулся.
И жизнь, как видишь, все идет
Не так, а задом наперед.
Запал исчез, бикфордов шнур
Меня удавкой затянул.
ОНО во мне гудит, как трансформатор.
Не нравится ему, когда я вдруг заплакал.
Скорее заскулил, как тощая дворняжка.
Куда ему понять, что человеку тяжко.
Пассионарность Гумилева – как тебе?
Нет, лучше ты возьми ее себе.
К чему пассионарность привела,
Мы знаем. Гитлер, Сталин – вот чума,
двадцатый век… Ты помнишь, что с ним стало,
Когда убитых лишь статистика считала?
Да, Гумилев! Чудесный академик.
Он в коммуналке жил без лишних денег.
Свою пассионарность он творил
На кухне изо всех культурных сил.
Читал я его книги как поэт.
Конечно ж, не себе во вред.
Запал у Гумилева был всегда,
И может, в нем была его беда.
Погиб ученый, не успев сказать,
Как надо жизнь по-новому верстать.
Запал… Я в шахматы играю.
Ботвинником свой череп заполняю.
Умел фигуры Миша расставлять.
Да так, что не вздохнешь. Не буду врать,
Его запал меня вводил в унынье.
Нет, это не мое всесилье.
Но с возрастом Ботвинник стал сдавать,
Поставив свой талант в мой скромный ряд.
И я возрадовался, Мишка,
И гений ваш накрыла крышка…
Да, был у вас лихой запал.
Какой же нынче, друг, навар?
Увы, увы, от строчек вала
Нет у меня его запала.
Поэтому кончаю я.
ОНО, прощай до октября.
3.
Живые существа во мне живут:
То просят хлеба, клянчут витамины,
То сердце вдруг во мне так заведут
Под страстные, любовные мотивы.
Я в щелочку сознанья заглянул -
Не скрою, любопытство одолело -
С ума сойти! Я дверь со страха пнул,
Какой-то монстр шумел там оголтело.
Нет, лучше эту дверь не открывать,
В ту комнату, где все черным-черно.
Я не хочу о том сознанье знать,
Где правит мной вселенское ОНО.
А может, добрый дядька там сидит,
Моим сознаньем лихо управляя?
Увы, ОНО во мне пока молчит,
Божественную тайну соблюдая.
4.
Каждый ищет смысл в чужих потемках
И находит что-то не свое.
Кто-то входит в наши души емко,
Как в кувшины горькое вино.
Он – Другой. Что делать с ним, не знаю.
Друг ли, враг? А может быть – Никто.
Я послушно Нечто обнимаю,
Раз уже Оно в меня вошло.
«Кто ты и зачем ко мне явился?
Мне и без тебя неплохо жить».
«Я в твоих потемках заблудился», -
Мне чужой Рассудок говорит.
Темнота – всмотрись в ночное небо,
Где там свет? Сплошная пустота.
Дай я съем свою краюху хлеба
И с тобой исчезну в никуда.
5.
Кто-то командует мной изнутри,
Я как солдат исполняю приказы.
Оно говорит: «Вправо иди,
Вот тебе мои наказы».
Что там направо, не знаю я.
Был я в детстве левшой,
Но переделала мама меня,
Теперь я и тот, и другой.
6.
Я ринулся бы в бой,
Да где мой враг?
Ты в зеркало взгляни, чудак.
Он пред тобой. Убей его,
Ведь он не стоит ничего.
Увы, мой враг во мне.
Конечно же, ты прав,
И мне его не победить никак.
Берет мой недруг надо мною верх.
Он мой неисправимый грех.
К примеру, лень.
Что делать с ней?
Да, ничего.
Вон видишь пень?
Когда-то дубом был старик -
Обрубком стал,
Но не поник своей седою головой.
Вокруг него вселенский рой,
Вокруг него кипит кипень,
Прижилась в древе чудо-лень!
Ах, береги свои пороки,
Они к тебе не так уж строги.
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