Я канонизировать себя захотел.
Адвокат дьявола, узнав об этом, даже вспотел.
- У тебя столько грехов, – говорит он мне, -
Куда тебе в канон. Живи тихо в себе.
Грехи тянут тебя в ад.
В хоромах Сатаны ждет тебя парад.
Я призываю на помощь адвокаре.
Он двинулся на коллегу черным каре.
- Этот человек заслуживает иконы,
Вон отсюда, злодейские драконы!
Человек никого не убивал,
Он добро всюду насаждал.
Адвокат дьявола смеется:
Прелюбодеяние добром зовется?
Похоть, простите, это что?
Извините, это зло, зло.
Адвокаре захохотал
- К похоти, коллега, еще Бог призывал.
Похоть – природное вещество,
Чувство из похоти произошло,
И любовь оттуда же к нам пришла,
И дитя в наш мир за ручку привела.
Итак, продолжался этот спор до утра,
Я давно перестал его слушать и спал.
И как закончилось это состязание?
Да вроде бы мне в наказанье.
В канон я так и не попал.
Адвокат дьявола верх взял.
Я бы канонизировал реку Алфею.
Эта речка без всякой затеи
Очистила от навоза авгиевы конюшни.
Какое дело может быть лучше?
И снова слово берет адвокат дьявола.
- У нас в преисподней есть такое правило:
Не хвали себя, пока дело не сделал.
Геракл же чистое небо предал.
Простите, где теперь навоз?
Поток воды его в море унес.
Экология! Загрязнение окружающей среды!
Нет, я не хотел бы такой судьбы.
Адвокат дьявола где-то был прав.
И я бы тоже не стал Алфею тянуть за рукав.
А с Гераклом… надо посмотреть,
Рыть канал нелегко ведь.
Может, лучше лопатой ударить по навозу -
И к паровозу?
В вагоны загрузить, и на российские поля,
Там навоза не хватает всегда.
Правда, паровозов тогда не было,
Это потом общество потребовало,
Чтобы научно-технический прогресс
Принял меры и ускорил изобретение
Паровоза для навоза.
А тогда вышла, мягко выражаясь, ерунда.
Нынче на дворе двадцать первый век.
И что же?
Конюшни Авгия, похоже,
Становятся моложе и моложе.
А пахнут-то как? На всю ивановскую.
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