«Пустота» (Из книги «ДРУГИЕ»)

1.
Из Савла Павлом я вдруг стал.
Что ж, и такое может быть.
И я пошел на карнавал,
Чтобы мозги свои промыть.
Надел я маску чудака
Недорисованной слегка:
Рот в иронической улыбке
Уж больно мне казался в зыбке.
Не то смеешься, не то плачешь,
Не Савл, не Павел, не Стефан,
Не маска, а один обман.
О чем ты, брат, со мной судачишь?
Да ни о чем. О пустоте.
Она повсюду и везде.

2.
О, этот камень преткновения!
С пустым я коробом иду.
В нем спрятано мое забвенье.
И память та, что ни к чему.
Вокруг меня предметы, вещи,
Я с жадностью хватаю клещи,
Чтоб безделушку ту забрать
И бросить деве на кровать.
Девица руки протянула,
Но клещи звякнули слегка -
В них возлежала пустота.
Опять судьба нас обманула.
Как кур во щи я вдруг попал,
Такой вот нынче карнавал.

3.
На мертвой точке я сижу,
Не сдвинуть с места мне себя.
Людей я в масках не люблю,
Да и они хотят, чтоб я
Их не любил. К чему любовь?
Она зовет нас вновь и вновь
Касаться страсти роковой,
Мне ж просто хочется домой,
Лечь на диван иль в кресло сесть,
Воткнув свой глаз в глаз голубой.
Мой дух, совсем не боевой,
Вдруг захотел чего-то съесть.
Я съел порядочно котлет.
Конечно же, себе во вред.

4.
Пошел на бога Валаам,
Себя надеждою лелея.
А получился один срам:
Пал Иерихон от рук злодея.
Иерихонская труба
На гибель к стенам всех звала.
Увы, не сравнимо твое волшебство
С тем, что творит само Божество.
Ослица?! (Говорить здесь больно).
В ее устах – слова Творца.
К нему обращены сердца
Людей. И этого довольно.
Отсюда сказ: люби ослиц
Из очень древних небылиц.

5.
Душа и ум – одно и то же,
Так говорил мне Демокрит.
Будь же к словам, дружище, строже,
Коль сердце жалостью болит.
Ум милосердье не приемлет,
Он в кресле лени тихо дремлет,
Когда душа в разрыв идет
И валидол во гневе пьет.
Душа и ум – одно и то же?
Не может быть, не может быть.
«Пусть ум, что хочет, говорит,
Но быть с ним вместе мне негоже».
А мозг? Что мозг? Он ни при чем.
Бей, коль есть повод, его кирпичом.

6.
Железным лезвием я атом расчленил,
В чье-то тело врезался с размаху.
Ядро с протоном электрон пленил
И держит на цепи, как дикую собаку.
Выходит, атом не последнее звено
Всего, что есть? Вот то-то и оно!
Нет в жизни ни начала, ни конца,
Лишь вечность и дорога в никуда.
Нет, мне такие знанья излишни,
Без них спокойней жить и умирать.
Я не хочу по пустякам страдать
Во имя малозначащей отчизны.
А заблужденья даже хороши,
Когда в кармане завелись гроши.

7.
Никто не знал, что Фесмофорий
Последний праздник Демокрита.
Со смертью он слегка повздорил,
Мол, подожди, все шито-крыто.
Он жил три дня, мед попивая.
Увы, Фортуна не слепая.
В Аид зовет. «Ах, подожди,
Бессмертье ждет нас впереди.
Три дня! Желания капризны,
И все же я их одолел,
Мой плод давно уже созрел,
Чтобы уйти из этой жизни».
Три дня и мед. Мысль хороша.
Зарделась счастием душа.

8.
У колодца нет дна. Ну и что же?
Все равно я в него загляну.
Как же так? Быть такого не может!
Дай я камень смахну в пустоту.
Что-то звука не слышно. Занятно.
В общем, мне эта штука понятна:
Мой булыжник в Аид угодил
Изо всех человеческих сил.
Там и вправду лежит пустота,
От людей одни кости остались,
Да кому люди бывшие сдались?
Вот от них и идет немота.
У колодца нет дна. Ну и что же?
Нет, колодцу без дна быть негоже.

9.
Безмятежное состояние духа
И размеренная жизнь?!
Твоя мысль дошла до слуха,
Извини, где верх, где низ
Безмятежности и размеренности?
Возьмем для вящей верности
Кусок хлеба с маслом и колбасой.
Вопрос довольно простой.
Это нижняя планка умеренности?
Я пока о высшей планке не говорю,
Потому что поесть люблю.
Для вящей уверенности.
Безмятежность нашего духа
Звучит, если честно, довольно глупо.

10.
Наслажденье – смерти подобно,
Это сказал еще Демокрит.
Наслажденье не очень удобно,
Когда сердце о чем-то болит.
Смерть на женщине – известное дело,
В агонии трясется все тело.
Остановиться бы, да какое тут!
Вожделение не дает отдохнуть.
Я как-то взвесил на весах страсть,
Она потянула килограмм на пять.
Я по граммам ее стал отпускать -
Не получилась над нею власть.
И тогда я подумал: черт с ней, со смертью,
Без наслажденья жить скучно, поверьте.

11.
Мне сказал мудрец Биант:
Все, что имеешь, носи с собой.
Слушай, а это вариант,
Пойду-ка за ношей я домой.
Взвалю своего осла на плечи,
Поставлю в его память свечи
И положу в банк на свой счет.
Вперед, олигархи, вперед!
Правда, есть здесь одна закавыка:
Дают ли ослу в банке хворост?
Ведь он еще холост,
Ему нужно не лыко,
А витамины и белки,
Чтобы в страсти вращались зрачки.

12.
Говори, не торопясь,
Спешка – знак безумия,
Ускорение – это транс
Для благоразумия.
Я пробовал жить медленно и плавно,
Но получалось, извини, забавно.
Не я спешу, меня торопит время,
Рвет землю по весне проснувшееся семя.
Пытался я, мой друг, остановиться
И вспомнить смутный запах детства.
Куда из памяти ребенку деться?
Хотел я и пред богом повиниться
За то, что себя плеткой погонял.
А вот куда? Ах, кто бы это знал.

13.
В юности приобретай мудрость,
В старости ищи покоя.
В этом, правда, я вижу скудность
Моего мыслительного строя.
Мудрец Питтак иначе говорил,
Из слов гнездо уютное он свил.
Мол, каждому свое! О, если бы знать,
Где эта штука, и как ее взять?
У юности не слишком долгая верста.
Я снисхожу! Гуляй на всю катушку.
Ах, вы забыли снять с девчонки стружку?
Я слышу, как в подоле кричит ее дитя.
Ура!
Ура! Ура!

14.
Трудно человеку быть хорошим.
И плохим быть тоже нелегко.
Что же в этой жизни всех дороже?
Может, третьим быть мне суждено?
Не пойми меня, мой друг, превратно.
Это и ребенку все понятно.
Лавры божьей птички не для нас.
Духом я могу лишь взять Парнас.
Только на Парнасе слишком тесно.
Третий лишний, в этом вся беда.
Растворяй, дружище, ворота
Тем, кто хочет жить сегодня честно.
Хорошо иль плохо честным быть?
Я не знаю, что здесь говорить.

15.
Чудак взрастил в горшочке Розу Мира.
Что ж, похвалим его: ура, ура, ура!
Цветок что надо. Гения Данила.
Достала цель. До самого утра
Не спал поэт, о жизни размышляя.
Его мечты, бог знает где витая,
Спустились вниз, а там его народ,
Весть о цветке прослышав, чуда ждет.
Ах, чудо, чудо! Кто его не хочет!
О, если б я чего-нибудь создал!
Но я, увы, на поезд опоздал,
Лишь зависть потихоньку меня точит.
Не черная, а белая. Ура!
И я не спал до самого утра.

16.
Ах, какая музыка – аутодафе!
Какой треск огня!
Пламя в красном неглиже
Обнимает нежно меня.
Я стою, прижавшись к столбу.
Народ в нетерпенье: когда ж закричу,
Вопль разнесу от боли и страха?!
Этого от меня не дождетесь, ребята.
А тебя прошу – прочь отсюда, прочь!
Ты ж сидишь у окна в кафе,
Смотришь спектакль аутодафе,
Как я факелом сжигаю ночь.
Старушка хворост подкинула в мой пылающий костер,
Чтоб огонь с вожделением в меня вошел.

Ах, святая простота!
Как же аутодафе без тебя!

17.
Я понимаю тебя, Клеобул,
Все-то ты правильно говоришь.
Видишь средь комнаты старенький стул,
А над окном висит ветхий карниз.
Стол, за которым кто-то сидит
И о судьбе с божеством говорит.
Только у бога вата в ушах,
Слышать людей он не хочет никак.
А человечку много ли надо?
Жить бы ему по совету творца
Возле дверей неземного дворца.
Можно без шума и без парада.
Мера должна быть везде и повсюду,
Это уж точно я не забуду

18.
Меня беспокоит благочестивый Иов,
Оселок христианской веры.
Этот парень на все был готов,
Его страданья не знали меры.
А наказал Иова сам Бог,
Ах, как к верующим он был строг!
Сомнения одолели Духовную Касту
В искренности своей паствы.
Здесь надо признаться сразу:
Это дьявол подбил старика на спор,
Возьмет ли человек в руки топор
Если за веру получит проказу?
Я бы на месте Иова топор поднял.
В Аиде его бы ждал пьедестал.

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