1
Сегодня под сантехника я легла,
Он был моим, так сказать, дивидендом.
Вчера с прорабом расплатилась сполна
своим чувственным эквивалентом.
А завтра ко мне придет маляр,
Возьмет меня грубо, видимо, сзади.
В таких делах он не школяр.
На что не пойдешь эквивалента ради
Вот так и идет мой квартирный ремонт,
За очень дешево, почти ни за что,
На дня меня кто-то трахнул в рот
за установку не помню чего.
Однажды умелец вошел в мою стервь,
сообщив, что любит сочные груши.
Люби, но вначале замок вставь в ту дверь,
которая снаружи.
2.
«Я в натуре тебя полюбил», – говорит слесарь мне,
впихивая что-то твердое в мое «эквивале».
Я думала, что он хозяйство устраивает свое,
А он – гаечный ключ, ё-мое!
«Ты что – сдурел?» – говорю я ему.
А он: «Я ремонт в вашей п. проведу.
Стерлась пизда, надо что-то ужать,
чтобы приятнее было вашу «экви» ебать.
Скучно: все время туда-сюда…
Где-то и остановиться пора
На профилактический ремонт».
3.
«Когда ремонт закончу, – сказала я ему, -
тогда и в профилактику уйду.
А пока слезай с меня,
За ремонт квартиры браться пора».
4.
Но бывают и накладки.
Недавно плиточник ко мне приходил,
на пол в раскарячку положил,
свое дело сделал
и ушел по-английски,
пока я приводила пизду в порядок.
Я ему эквивалент,
А он мне хуем по жопе в ответ.
Стряхнул капли со своего ствола
И айда в другую пизду,
Снимая штаны на ходу.
5.
Я теперь умная:
Вначале обои наклей,
Потом елей.
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